Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!

   Hello old friends, new friends, and people who managed to wind up here while looking for porn. Well its a brand new year so I put up a brand new background. Try not to stare at it too long. It may or may not cause seizures, dizziness, and or the emptying of stomach contents. So I have been trying to find a new blog challenge to do this month. I looked around on other peoples blogs I know, Binged ideas (Bing, much better than Google!), but came up with nothing. Finally it came to me. After cleaning up and taking a brief nap I decided I would take my idea and run with it. I am a fan of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. They are the only news programs I watch. I know they aren't "real news" programs but I am OK with that. The real news is far too depressing anyway. On The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert has several segments with a "Better Know" theme. Such as "Better Know A District", "Better Know A Lobbyist", "Better Know A Beatle" for a few examples. With this in mind I will begin a sporadic series titled "Better Know A Fictional Character". To the best of my knowledge, to date, Mr. Colbert has not done a series of this name. If I am wrong I apologize in advance. My goal is not to plagiarize his show but rather to bring a bit of humor to my readers. Being that it is New Year's Day 2011 I figured what better place to start than with Baby New Year. So without further adieu I bring you...

Better Know A Fictional Character - Part 1 - Baby New Year

    Every year at this time we all see the familiar Baby New Year, but how much do we really know about him? Unlike us he is not human. He is an immortal ethereal being. Most people think Baby New Year and Father Time are separate people.

   This is untrue. Actually they are the same person. Every year Baby New Year grows old at a very rapid rate. On New Year's Eve Father Time poofs into Baby New Year at the stroke of midnight. He then begins to live out his life at super speed. In February he is playful and often dresses up as Cupid.

   Ah how mischievous kids can be. After shooting unsuspecting people with arrows for a few days we don't hear from him much until March. By this time he has managed to grow a beard but hasn't gotten much taller. This is one of the draw backs of his accelerated aging process. He is often mistaken for a leprechaun around St. Patrick's Day.

   The beard allows him to drink and smoke without being bothered to spite his small size. By April he has grown a bit and starts to mature. He realizes, like the rest of us, he has to pay the bills. So he takes a job at the mall as an Easter Bunny.

   The kids wear him down so in May he heads to Mexico. He hangs with the locals drinking and partying. Cinco de Mayo is a fabulous holiday which he very much enjoys. Although he tends to over indulge. The locals report rashes of goat slayings and blame the mythical Chupacabra.

   This being does in fact exist. However the attacks at this time are not because of the Chupacabra but rather due to an overly amorous, very drunk "Baby New Year". Tequila is a hell of a drink! June is largely a blur of running from enraged farmers, the law, and INS agents as he crosses the border into America. All the stress of life on the run causes him to go prematurely gray. Low on funds he gets work in small town parades, picnics, and festivities as Uncle Sam.

   With a bit of money in his pocket he takes the rest of the summer off. He lives a quiet life for a few months out of the public eye. Existing much as you and I do. Various odd jobs sustain him. At Halloween he always takes the opportunity to venture out in costume. Enjoying one last hurrah before the busy season.

   Once Thanksgiving rolls around "Baby New Year" decides to take a job as a mall Santa. All the Halloween candy has gone to his waist anyway so he doesn't even need padding. The children are very taxing but its good money and there are no shortage of openings.

   This job carries him through Christmas. Feeling very old and worn down he takes a week to get his affairs in order. He makes a few appearances at parties around the world as he says his goodbyes. Then once again at the stroke of midnight he transforms into a baby again and starts the process anew. Just another year for the tired and unsung hero of our New Year's Eve celebrations.

   Thanks so much for stopping by. I hope the new year grants you everything you wish for! Take care of yourselves and have an awesome day!


  1. I decided if I could not find a preset challenge to bring a voice to my humor I'd have to just do it on my own! So glad you enjoyed it.

  2. Awesome! I loved it! VERY creative! I'm impressed! HA HA!