Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It is Time to Unite

   I would like to take this opportunity to address an ongoing concern of mine. Something that we as the human race should finally come together and stamp out while we still can. I am speaking of course of spiders. Yes yes some of you will say that spiders pose no threat to humanity. That they actually provide a valuable service in the form of eating insects and other small bothersome pests. This is merely a rouse that their kind perpetuate to draw suspicion away from their true agenda. Arachnids sole purpose on this planet is to destroy mankind. They lurk in the shadows and under furniture biding their time until they grow strong enough to eradicate us once and for all. They are the embodiment of evil and must be stopped at all costs. Do not feel guilty for squashing them with a tissue or shoe. Believe me if a spider could it would crush you under its boot without a second thought. Their eight legged scheming has to be brought to an end before they rise up against us. Laugh at me if you must but when the day comes when your staring up at their giant gleaming robotic death machines sent to enslave us you'll remember the words of the man that tried to warn you!

Thanks for stopping by and giving my blog a read. I hope you all have an awesome day!

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Last Truth

Installment 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself   

   Dear Cecil,

          Hey there old friend. I just wanted to touch base with you and tell you a few things I love about you. I know you've had a rough time for a while but have started to turn things around. I thought a few kind words from someone who knows you well might help you stay focused on your goals. The most important thing I love about you is your ability to make the best of a bad situation. Life has given you lemons more than a few times and you generally find a way to make the most out of what you have. Of course things could always be better and you still wish things were different but you take what ever you have at the moment and try to get the most out of it you can. Furthermore you are a good looking guy. Sure you have your weight issues but you have an attractive face and more important you are beautiful on the inside. This inner beauty shines through to anyone who bothers to get to know you. And for those that don't its their loss. You are a good hearted, friendly, warm, intelligent, honest, funny person and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. Well I don't want to make your head too big. Just keep doing what you're doing, stay on the path, and you'll get to where you want to be before you know it. Take care of yourself buddy.

Love ya,

Well that completes my 30 Installments of Truth series. If you have read them all I hope you understand me a bit better now or at the very least were entertained by my insanity. What's next now that this project is over? Well you'll have to keep checking back in to see won't ya? ;) Take care of yourselves and Have an Awesome day.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


Installment 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

   Well the number one thing I want to change about myself is my weight. I want to be thin. I'd settle for not being huge. I have struggle with weight issues my entire life. I am sick to death of being fat. I am presently counting calories, watching what I eat, making an effort to do more every day. It is working. I am seeing results. Its a slow process but anything worth doing is worth waiting for. I mean all the weight I am trying to lose didn't appear in a day so its not gonna fall off in a day. I look at myself and I am just not happy. I don't like myself at this size and if I don't like myself how can I expect others to? Losing weight & getting into shape is the cornerstone in my attempt to get myself back on track. I figure if I can do that everything else should be simple.

These have been short lately. I don't know if I am saying less than I should or if the questions are just too simple. Anyway thanks for stopping by. I have one more installment to go so be sure to tune in for the last one. Have an awesome day y'all!

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Installment 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

   Seeing as it would be quite impossible without serious medical intervention for me to get pregnant I will focus on the second half of this question. First of all I would not be in this situation unless it was someone I cared a great deal for. I am not a one night stand or love em and leave em kind of guy. At this stage in my life I do want children so this news would thrill me to no end. I would hope that the mother of said child would want to marry me. If she didn't for what ever reason I would still stand by her and give any and all support I could. Not only through the pregnancy and birth but throughout the child's whole life. A child needs their father. If for some reason the mother of said child did not want me in the child's life I would endeavor to change her mind while respecting her wishes and offering financial support. One of my long term goals is to have a wife & kids, a happy marriage, a close family, and a happy home.

Well that seems a bit short but I think it about covers my thoughts on the matter. Take care of yourselves and have an awesome day!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Cheeseburger Dumplings

Cheeseburger Dumplings 

1 Pound of Ground Beef
1 Jar of Cheese Sauce  (I use Ragu Double Cheese)
6 Beef Bouillon Cubes
2 Cups of AP Flour
1 Large Egg
8 TBS Butter softened
1 tsp salt
1/2 Cup of Milk

+ Put about the same amount of water you would use to boil a pound of dry pasta in a large pot with 6 beef bouillon cubes. Put the pot over high heat until it boils. Then reduce the heat to medium-high and add 3 TBS of softened butter.

+ While the water is boiling grab a mixing bowl and start your dumpling batter. Combine the flour, egg, 5 TBS of softened butter, salt, & 1/2 cup of milk. Mix well and set aside.

+ After you add the butter to the boiling water, we are ready to add the dumplings. Get about a heaping teaspoon full at a time and flatten with your fingers. Then drop into the water and repeat until all the batter is in the pot. Drop each dumpling in a different area to help prevent sticking. After 6 or 8 dumplings its ok to go back to an area again as the dumplings should be firm enough that they won't combine with the new one.

+ Once all the dumplings are in the water stir and reduce heat to medium. Stir occasionally so they don't stick together or burn.

+ Brown the ground beef using whatever seasonings you like. Drain the fat once the beef is browned and then add the cheese sauce. Mix well and let warm over medium to medium-low heat.

+ Drain the dumplings in a strainer removing all the cooking liquid. Return the drained dumplings to the pot and pour in the cheese & meat sauce. Mix well and serve.

With sides this should feed 3 to 4 people. As a stand alone meal it feeds 2.


I hope you enjoyed this recipe. If you cook this I'd love to hear what you thought. Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day!


Installment 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

   As I endeavor to get myself back on track there is one thing that keeps me going. I want a normal life back. I want a car, a job, my own place to live, friends I can visit in person & spend time with, and that special someone to share my life with. It is the hope that all of this will come back into my life that keeps me going. I have lost hope many times in my life. Without it you just sit and stagnate. But when you have hope it helps keep you moving forward. Envision what it is you want, then make small achievable goals. This way you can tell that you are making progress. It may seem like some self-help seminar clap trap but believe me it works. At the very least it helps keep you sane and focused in your dark hours. Hope, its a great thing!

Thanks for stopping by. Take care of yourselves and your loved ones and have an awesome day!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

   I would like to wish a very Happy Thanksgiving to any and all that celebrate it! I hope you all have an awesome day of food and fun with your families and friends. Take care of yourselves and have a truly Awesome day!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Hey who turned out the light ?

Installment 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

   If you are a regular to my blog you have probably gathered that things have not gone so smoothly for me for the past few years. I am in what I call a rebuilding phase of my life. This comes in waves or cycles. I start getting dug out and back on track. I see the light at the end of the tunnel getting bigger and bright and CLICK. Someone turns off the light and I get pushed back now the tunnel and buried again. Well the last time this happened I had gotten a job I liked and was quite good at here in Missouri. I bought a car. It was a piece of crap but it was paid for. I got an apartment and moved out of my folks' place. I was even talking to a local girl I met online and developing a relationship. Everything was looking up. I almost had my regular life back. The girl & I decided we would meet for lunch at the Olive Garden in Independence to finally meet. I was happy and excited. Well I got stood up, she never returned my calls, and finally told me by email days later that something came up at the last minute. That was the last I heard from her. That was just the beginning. A few days later I had a bitch of a customer at work that reported me for not doing something that was technically against the rules for me to do in the first place. I got fired for this after a 3 days suspension. Apparantly it took three days to decide I should be fired, WTF? Anyway I started looking for another job but I had no savings built up yet. I sold my PS2 & games, DVDs, & the last CDs I owned to buy groceries that month. No calls backs, no promising interviews, not squat. So I had a week left to go before I had to either pay for another months rent or move out. I knew I would have to pitch it in and move back in with my folks after only having been on my own again for a whopping three months. I felt like an even worse failure than when my second ex broke up with me and basically forced me to move in with my folks in the first place. With only four days to go I decided I would rather call it quits than have to admit defeat. I drank three bottles of wine took a whole bottle of Maximum Strength Sleeping pills (over the counter) and went to bed. I woke up early the next morning and I felt like I was underwater. It took great effort to get out of bed, stand and walk to the bathroom. I had THE worst headache of my life and even had trouble breathing. It felt kind of like my whole body was incased in concrete except for my head which someone had busted free with a jackhammer, hence the headache. It took two days to fully recover at which time I had to start packing and moving stuff back to my folks house. I called my mom that morning and told her I'd have to come back home if it was ok. I explained what happened but I never mentioned the suicide attempt. I still haven't and do not intend to. (she doesn't know about this blog) This was the third time in my life I attempted to kill myself. So it is quite obvious to me that i am SUPPOSED to be here. I just don't know what the grand propose is. I strive to find it daily as I am once again digging out of my hole. At this point I am almost to the tracks again. I still  need to lose some more weight and get in a bit better shape, though I am improving greatly. I also need a car, a job, and someone to share my life with but I'm getting there.

Thanks for dropping by to give my thoughts a read. I hope you enjoyed it. Have an awesome day!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Installment 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

   Well if I knew the answer to this I would probably be much happier with my life. I believe everything happens for a reason. Therefore I know I am still alive because I am meant to be. I am even in the place I am in my life because I am meant to be. This has been the only solace to me during the rough patches that make up the quilt of my life. Presently I am living with my Mom & Step Dad while I try to get back on my feet. Perhaps I am meant to be here to spend time with my mother while I can. When I turned 19 I moved in with a couple of friends. Part of the reason for doing this was to get away from her. My folks had gone through a nasty divorce when I was 16 and I was getting to a point in my life when I was finally forming my own opinions about a LOT of things. Among other things, this included why their marriage had failed. My mother was not perfectly innocent in the matter that was finally becoming clear. I needed space to find myself and figure out what my beliefs and thoughts on the world were. My mother remarried a year or so later and moved to Florida with her second Navy husband. We spoke maybe 2 or 3 times a year on the phone and I only saw her twice in ten years. This was more than fine with me but she did not like it at all. With my father now dead I realize more than ever that my mother will not be around forever. So perhaps this is the universe's plan to make sure she is a part of my life. That is the only theory I have anyway. Which is all sort of a tangent as that would be why I am living where I am but not exactly why I am still alive. But I guess if I was dead I wouldn't be living here, lol. Now I HAVE helped a lot of friends, both that I know personally and that I have met online, by giving advice and listening to their problems. I have had a few tell me that if I hadn't been around to be there for them they don't know what they would have done. SO perhaps that is why the universe keeps me around. To serve as an unpaid therapist and friend to those in need.

Thanks for stopping by to see what spilled out of my head. Take care of yourselves and your loved ones and have an awesome day!

Monday, November 22, 2010

When I'm gone

Installment 24 → Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

   To whom it may concern,

         If you are reading this then I've died and you are the one stuck with taking care of my final arrangements. I won't waste your time with a lot of mumbling on about stuff you probably don't care about anyway. So on to the details. First of all I want to be cremated. I would like the ashes dropped into the Mississippi River. If possible off of the Memphis Bridge. I do NOT want a "funeral". Instead I would like a Remembrance Ceremony. I do not want those I leave behind to be sad that I am gone. Death is not the end, its just the next step of our journey. I do not want ANY bible verses, or religious hymns of any kind. I am NOT Christian, I am a Wiccan. If anyone wants to say a few words they are most welcome to. Mainly I just want everyone to get together and be there for each other. I would like a few songs played, perhaps in a moment of quite reflection. Here is the list of these.

Angelo Badalamenti - Falling (Twin Peaks Theme)
+ This song always puts me at peace. Whenever I need to calm myself down this song does the trick.
Kid Rock - Only God Knows Why
+ This song reminds me that while everything happens for a reason, we are not meant to know the whole plan.
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow
+ I love the sound of this man's voice. He was massively overweight as I am and I felt a strong connection to him through his music. The sheer beauty of this peace always makes me well up.
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Freebird
+ This song always makes me think of death and how great it will be to soar through the universe without restrictions, no matter how briefly, on the path to the next step in the journey.
John Denver - Leaving On A Jet Plane
+ This song is for my friends. Its to remind them that even though I'm gone Its not a sad thing. If my beliefs are correct I'll even be coming back so don't cry just smile and think of me.

   Well that's about all really. Nothing fancy, nothing expensive, just a simple gathering of friends and family that want to be there. Thank you so much for handling this for me.
      All the best to you and yours,
          Darnack Windsong
Thanks for stopping by and giving this a read. Take care of yourselves and have an awesome day!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

If "ifs & butts" were candies & nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas!

Installment 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

   Try as I might not to, I do have regrets in my life. I think we all do. It is a rather human thing. There are many things I wish had gone differently in my life. I think the one thing I wish I hadn't done though is trading in my 1990 Ford Festiva for a 1992 Ford Escort LX. I know this seems like a stupid thing to be someone's biggest regret. It is not because I am a petty man more interested in cars & possessions than anything else. Rather it is because there was a LONG chain of events that happened after that in my life that I am to this day trying to recover from. I am not saying that everything that has gone wrong in my life since then is because of that one event. But I think things would have gone much differently if it hadn't happened. My Escort's clutch went out a year after I bought it. This caused me to lose my pizza delivery job I fell back on when my taxi driving job fell through. Which was while I was living with a friend after my first ex threw me out to move to Canada and marry the guy she had known for a week. Which in turn started a chain of events that all would have been different had that alternate time line not been started. In addition my car payments on the Escort were higher. I might have had the Festiva paid off by the time the Escort's clutch went out. Which would have made my finances vastly different even with losing a job. There is not much if anything that has happened in my life since that event that I am happy about. Nothing I would be sad to give up for a chance to go back and try to change things. Yes there were happy times thrown in along the way but in the end even the happy times turned out bad. Actually I take that back there was one bright shining point during this time of darkness, my best friend Melody. I actually went to high school with her but I did not know her personally then, even though we were in the same school sponsored lip-sync contest.  I also attended a few Live action Vampire the Masquerade games that she was also at. She was dumped by an asshole of a guy that I knew and talked to at the comic store I hung out at. But I didn't started hanging out with her and getting to know her personally until we started playing D&D together. This was about two years or so after this big event. So if having her in my life is why everything had to happen the way it did I suppose I can live with it. I love her dearly and would not want to give her up for anything. There is a pretty good chance though that we still would have become friends so I think I'd still make the gamble. The main thing that is harder to realize during the worst of our trials though is that "Everything happens for a reason.". We may not realize what that reason is at the time but in the end the universe always seems to unfold the way it should.

Installment 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

   I wish I had finished my college education. I got accepted into the University of Tennessee at Martin as a Music Education Major. I had a comprehension package of financial aid, Including one music scholarship and one music education scholarship that covered all of my expenses except for food and books. I played the tuba and was rather brilliant at it. Within six months of starting to learn the instrument I received a number one rating at the county AND state levels of competition. This is the highest award level for those events. I was also inducted into the Junior Hall of Fame for High School Musicians in 1987. Largely because of my performance at the a fore mentioned events. I decided to go Music Education instead of Performance because it is quite hard to get a job in an orchestra as it is. Add to that the fact that you play an instrument which there is generally only one or perhaps two of in each group and it makes it even harder. Therefore it seemed the smart thing to do as I could fall back on teaching if I didn't find a spot playing professionally. I had a rather over protective mother (though she viciously denies this) and a sheltered baptist upbringing. So when I arrived at college and had no one around to tell me not to do things I went a little crazy with freedom. Because of this my academic classes suffered BADLY. I still managed to pass all my performance classes with straight As and high praises but the Ds and Fs in my academic courses were enough to pull me down. I went onto academic probation after the first semester and then got an academic suspension after my second semester. This meant that I lost all financial aid until my grades were elevated to an acceptable level for one semester. My father had left my mother a year and a half before this. He stole my college fund when he did. My mother worked (for the first time since she was a teenager) as a seamstress at a local dry cleaner just to make ends meet after the meager alimony. The child support of course ended when I turned 18 just before High School Graduation. There was no way I could afford to pay for school without financial aid. Hell I was barely able to cover food and such as it was. There were many times I went hungry for 2 or 3 days after a long stint of not returning home for more supplies & maybe a few bucks spending money. I had to drop out of the fraternity I was rushing (Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia, the musicians fraternity including musical greats such as Robert Shaw, Maynard Ferguson, & Doc Severinson) because I couldn't afford the dues when I was accepted for membership. So there was no way I could go back on my own. This ended my education and left me feeling utterly defeated. I haven't played the Tuba since. I haven't continued my education either. Life happens and gets in the way of plans and dreams. I wish I had continued my musical career but even more I wish I had gotten a college degree. I am seriously considering going to Culinary School once I get things a little more straightened out. Its not the same as being a musician but cooking does make me happy. Not only that but it would finally be a way of proving I am not the total failure that flunked out of college.

Ok this really should have been two posts but I am a very Yin & Yang kind of guy. I love being able to do the whole good and bad, light and dark, did and didn't thing. Thanks for stopping by to see what escaped from my brain today. Take care and have an awesome day!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Its all anger and hate until someone loses an eye

Installment 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

   I don't see why this is even a question really. Its your best friend! Regardless of any petty little squabbles you may get into when the chips are down you are there for each other. Its part of the whole best friend package. Even if its a friendship ending fight tragedy changes everything. After such a small amount of time has passed of course you go support your friend in any way they need. Not to mention of course the guilt you'd feel if you didn't. For all you know it could have been because of the fight. Only a heartless bastard would ignore someone they claimed as a best friend in this situation.

I feel kind of weird making such a short post but that's it for now. Thanks for stopping in to read my thoughts. Tell your friends how important they are to you often. You never know when the last time you'll see them will be. Take care of yourselves and have an awesome day!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Chili Dog & Tater Tot Casserole

Chili Dog & Tater Tot Casserole

1 package of hot dogs 8 to 10 count (whatever brand and or animal you like)
1 package of Ore Ida Tater Tots 32oz (or whatever type of fried potato product you would prefer)
2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese (I prefer fancy, sharp)
2 cans of chili (with or without beans whatever you like, I prefer Hormel Chili with Beans)
6 TBS ketchup
Various Seasonings to taste *optional*

+ Bake the Tater Tots (or other potato product) following the directions on the package. For the ones listed here its 450 degrees for 18-22 minutes after preheating of course. I like to spray some cooking spray on the sheet pan before I spread out the tater tots and I like to season them with some Old Bay.

+ Cook the hot dogs and warm the chili as you normally would. For me this means putting the hot dogs in a pot and covering them with water, about an inch more than requires them to float. Put the pot over high heat until it comes to a rapid boil. Then I turn the heat down to medium for about 10 minutes. Then shut off the heat until everything else is ready. I put the ketchup in the bottom of a sauce pan, empty the cans of chili in and add my seasonings (I use garlic powder, black pepper, chili powder, paprika, oregano, celery seed, and a dash of HOT chili flake seasoning blend). Then I heat the chili slowly over medium heat stirring often. once it starts to bubble I turn the heat down to medium low. Once the hot dogs get turned off I turn the heat on the chili to low and let it coast.

+ Once all three of these are done (hot dogs, chili, & tater tots) we are ready to assemble. Spray a 13" x 9" baking dish with cooking spray. and make sure the oven is set to 350 degrees after the tots come out.

+ Start with a very thin coating of chili in the baking dish. We just want enough to wet the bottom of the pan so no tater tots burn. Next dump in the tater tots and arrange them so that they cover the bottom of the bottom in one layer, or as close to that as you can get. Next cut the hot dogs up into half inch chunks ( I generally just use a fork to do this) and spread them in a layer over the tater tots. Next spoon in the chili, trying to get it over everything again in a nice layer. Lastly we sprinkle on the cheddar cheese. Again we want good even coverage in a layer. This whole process is kind of like making a lasagna.

+ Put the casserole into the oven for 20 - 30 minutes or until the cheese starts to brown. Remove and let stand for 5 minutes then serve.

+ If desired each person can add the usual hot dog toppings. IE Mustard, Ketchup, Relish, etc. I prefer it as it but to each their own.

This recipe serves 6 at 769 calories per serving. It is a good alternative for people who want to cut down on calories and or carbs but still enjoy the taste of a good chili dog.


I hope you enjoyed this recipe. If you cook this I'd love to hear what you thought. Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day!

Drugs & Alcohol

Installment 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

   Everything in moderation! This statement is a good place to start. Now technically just about everyone on the planet uses drugs in one form or another. Sugar is a drug. Caffeine is a drug. Nicotine is a drug. However I feel the spirit of this challenge is referring to the illegal and or prescription & over the counter drugs.  There are a lot of drugs that are quite bad and shouldn't be allowed to be used without a prescription. However there are some drugs that are illegal in America that are actually less lethal and or problematic than alcohol. That does not mean you should break the law to get them. Respect for the law should always be upheld. We can however try to effect change on the laws we don't agree with.
   I personally do not see any problem with marijuana. It is less detrimental to your health than alcohol or cigarettes. It is not the evil thing that we are led to believe by all of the anti-pot commercials. Those are just there because its illegal. The only hitch is that it IS illegal in most parts of the country today. If you disagree with this strongly enough you should try to effect change to get it legalized. Attend or organize rallies. Write letters to your state and or local legislators. Remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Again, I am not saying its ok to break the law! It is never ok to break the law. Laws are in place for our protection and following them is a small price to pay for the freedoms we enjoy.
   All this being said if its legal then as I started this post off with, Everything in moderation. Having a few beers now and then is more than fine. Even getting drunk off your ass once in a while can be fun and even therapeutic. Provided you DO NOT attempt to drive, operate heavy machinery, handle firearms or supervise children while under the influence. The only time alcohol really causes an issue is when people over indulge in a careless manner. Some people have serious addiction problems and can not handle moderating their consumption. If you know you are one of these people then you probably shouldn't drink.
   If people would just use their brain this world would be a better place. Be it religion, politics, alcohol, drugs, personal opinions, whatever... BE SMART! If you stop and think for a moment all of these potential problems can at the least be severely lessened, if not avoided altogether. In short don't be a douche and remember, Everything in moderation!

Thanks for stopping by to give this a read. Be excellent to each other, party on dude and have an awesome day!

Sweet Potato Pancakes

Sweet Potato Pancakes

1 & 1/2 Cups of AP Flour
3 & 1/2 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Salt
1 TBS Brown Sugar
1 & 1/4 Cups Milk
1 Large Egg
3 TBS Butter, melted
1 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 pound of grated Sweet Potato (hold this out of the initial mix)

+ In a Large mixing bowl, pour in all of the dry ingredients, and stir well.

+ Put the butter in a microwave safe bowl and nuke for 30 seconds. Beat the egg before adding. Pour in all of the wet ingredients and mix thoroughly.

+ Once the batter is well mixed add in the grated Sweet Potato and stir very well until the batter looks consistent.

+ Spray some cooking spray in a frying pan or girdle and put on medium heat. When the pan is nice and hot pour in the batter. I like to make one large pancake at a time. If you prefer silver dollar size then do what you will. Mashed and maneuver the batter a bit so that you don't get a thick pile of potato in the center. You want an even amount across the surface of the pancake.

+ When you see the bubbles that form across the batter being to pop its time to flip. The second side gets harder to judge. Just try to remember about how long the first side took and flip to check about the same time. You can always flip it back over if it needs more time.

+ Repeat the cooking process until all the batter is gone. I like to spread a little margarine on each pancake as soon as it comes off the pan. This way it melts in while its still hot. Add syrup or other toppings if desired.

This recipe makes about 8 large pancakes. Per pancake its about 240 calories which includes pancake syrup.


I hope you enjoyed this recipe. If you cook this I'd love to hear what you thought. Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day! 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Two more things to drive us apart

Installment 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

    I will be expressing views on both of these topics. These are my views and I do not wish to impose them onto others. I am merely sharing my points of view with any others that care to read them.


   All religion boils down to one major thing. An explanation of nature, how the earth and or universe was created and why things are the way they are. If it were not for man's intelligence and a need to understand the greater meaning behind things religion would most likely not exist at all. One would think that a shared need to discover where we came from and why we are here would unite people. Unfortunately religion only seems to do the opposite. The most bloody and horrific wars of all time were fought in the name of one religion or another. We don't have to share the same beliefs. All we have to do is respect the right of others to believe in what they choose to. Just because some religions believe you should spread the word of your faith to "save the heathens from eternal damnation" does not give you the right to impose those beliefs on others. What you believe in and have faith in is a very personal thing. Who's to say what is right and what is wrong? Surely not we insignificant humans. Overall I have chosen Wicca as my religion. However I decide for myself what I believe and what I don't. I pick and chose pieces of many different faiths to adopt into my belief system. Which includes making up some bits all on my own. While I feel this is 100% the correct path for me that does not make it correct for everyone. Neither does it mean I try to explain my beliefs to everyone I meet and make them belief as I do. I am always willing to have philosophical discussions with those interested. But I respect my fellow human beings enough to allow them to believe in what works for them. without harassing them about it.


   What a nasty kettle of fish this is. Just like religion there are more views than we have names for. The big two in America are Democrat and Republican but that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the differing political views that are out there. Also like religion everyone is adamant that their views are the only right ones. As soon as we realize that there is not just black and white to any given issue we may be able to move past a lot of the problems with our government. If I HAD to put a label on what I was politically it would probably have to be Liberal Democrat. Does this mean I agree with everything the Democrats do? HELL NO! Neither do I agree with everything the Liberals do. You can not go through life following anything blindly. It never ends well. You have to be intelligent enough to stop and consider the other points of view and decide what you really believe. Personally I think that there should be no political parties. This would force candidates to better explain there values, and views and help us better decide who we want to represent us.

   As I said in my Gay Marriage post, "Everyone on the planet would be so much better off if we would just stop focusing on all of our differences and focus on what makes us the same. When we all finally come together as the human race we will be able to accomplish ANYTHING!" I thank you for stopping by to read my opinions and I hope you have a truly awesome day!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Salmon Croquets

Salmon Croquets

2 14.75oz cans of Pink Salmon
2 Sleeves of Ritz Crackers
3 Large Eggs
Seasonings (I use Old Bay, Garlic Powder, Black, Pepper, Parsley Flakes, Celery Seeds, Oregano, Paprika)

+ Open and drain the salmon.

+ Empty both cans of salmon into a large mixing bowl. Add Seasonings, then the eggs, and lastly one whole sleeve of the Ritz crackers.

+ Mix by hand (as you would a meatloaf mixture) until all ingredients are thoroughly combined. Add more crackers pending on how wet the mixture is. I find one and a half sleeves is normally enough. This varies and also depends on personal taste. You want the mixture the right consistency to hold a patty shape.

+ Spray a frying pan with some non-stick spray and put on medium heat. When the pan is nice and hot we can start the patties.

+ Grab a handful of the salmon mixture and shape a patty about the size of the palm of your hand. Be careful not to get it too thick or the center will turn out wet. Place patty into the pan and repeat. I find 3 patties at a time works well. You want a little room between the patties so if your pan is smaller or your patties bigger this may vary. Cook until golden brown on one side then flip and brown the second side. Cooking times will vary so keep an eye on them.

+ Once all the patties are finished serve with whatever sides you desire and enjoy. This recipe makes 6 to 8 patties. I find 2 patties with a couple of sides makes a filling and healthy meal.

Dipping Sauce

8 tablespoons of Mayonaisse
4 tablespoons of Ketchup
1 tablespoon of Hot Sauce (more or less to taste)

+ Mix all three thoroughly in a small bowl and chill while croquets are cooking. Serve on the side in a small container or spoon over each patty.

I enjoy this sauce with the Salmon Croquets and find it a great compliment. Feel free to go without it or make a sauce of your own.


I hope you enjoyed this recipe. If you cook this I'd love to hear what you thought. Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day!

Gay Marriage... What's the Big Deal?

Installment 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

   My views on gay marriage are quite simple. People that are homosexuals are still people. As human beings we should ALL have the same rights and privileges. This includes marriage, military service, voting, land owning, etc. The way that the homosexual community is being treated is akin to the way African Americans, or even women were treated in the past. It isn't right treat someone as less of a person because they are different. You do not have to agree with their views to treat them like a human being. Regardless of a persons sexual persuasion, religious views, political affiliation, race, creed, sex, musical preference, what have you they are still a human being. Everyone on the planet would be so much better off if we would just stop focusing on all of our differences and focus on what makes us the same. When we all finally come together as the human race we will be able to accomplish ANYTHING!

Thanks for giving me thoughts a read. I plan on posting a couple of recipes later tonight. Tell your firends and family you love them and have an awesome day!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Finding a path

Installment 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

   The book alone was not the only thing that changed my views on this subject. It was also largely due to the person that insisted I read this book. However this book helped me see the truth. I was raised a Southern Baptist. Now Christian, Baptists in particular, are pretty much all taught that ANY religion other than theirs is not only wrong but punishable by "fiery damnation for all eternity". I had been unsatisfied with my religion and had a lot of unanswered questions that, when I tried to talk to my pastor or a church elder about, basically came down to "Because that's what it says in the bible." or "Because God said so." or "Some things you have to take on faith.". Now these answers were given when either there was no concrete answer or when I found a logic loop or inconsistency. I was a teenager just out of my first year of college and working my new job at Golden Corral in Millington, TN. I started my time there as a dishwasher. The woman in charge of salad prep was nice and we developed a friendship. I found out fairly soon that she was a Wiccan. Well the years of Baptist training came out and I decided it was my job to try to save her soul from Hell. The more we talked and debated the more often I found that I didn't have enough answers to back up my arguments but she always did. After about a week of this she gave me a book by Scott Cunningham titled "The Truth About Witchcraft". This book talked about the misconceptions most people had about Wiccans and their religion. It clearly showed the differences between Wicca and Satanism (most Christians seem to thing they are the same thing). Even though the book was written by a long time Wiccan it presented a clear, informed, and unbiased view on what it was to be Wiccan. It was mainly meant as a guide to understanding what your friend/s were into when they said they were a Wiccan and you had no idea what that was. It was not a conversation pamphlet or brainwashing literature as many other religions always want to force on you. It was simply a source of information. I was better able to except my new friend for what she was and stopped trying to convert her. Within a month after this I decided that Wicca was right for me and set out on that path. Its been a little over 21 years and I still proudly call myself a Wiccan.

Thanks for stopping by and giving my blog a read. I hope you have an awesome day!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Can't live without it! Can live without it!

Installment 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

   I have given this some thought and there is definitely one thing I can't live without. Its oxygen. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to do without it. I suppose that makes me addicted. They just don't have any programs or assistance to help you kick the old breathing in and out habit. Maybe one day they'll have a pill or something but for now those of us hooked on air will have to suffer through.

Installment 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

   I could definitely live without spiders. Spiders are scary, evil, and sneaky as hell. One day they WILL organize and kill us all. I don't want them shooed outside. They just find their way back in. Smash them, squash them, nuke them in the microwave. Do whatever you have to do to rid the planet of these eight legged monsters.

Thanks for stopping by and giving this post a read. Take care of yourselves and have an awesome day!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Speaking ill of the dead

Installment 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)  

   Dear Dad,

         Every child looks at their father as at least one of the heroes in their life if not the greatest. I remember back when I used to look at you this way. The longer you were in my life though the more you hurt me. Emotionally at first then physically then by ignoring me all together. You were one of the most abusive people I have ever personally known. For years I decided I didn't want children at all because I was afraid that one day I would turn into you and start hitting them for stress relief as you did with me. I have grown wiser through the years though and decided I will never be as cruel and heartless as you were in my youth. You beat my mother when she made you mad. You screamed and berated her increasingly often as time went on. You beat me when I didn't ignore this or didn't do exactly what you said. You cheated on her. You found every excuse to spend as much time away from home as you could. Eventually you left us for one of Mom's best friends. Then you came back and trashed our house and threatened to kidnap and rape my mother if she didn't service you. You forced me to irreversibly turn on you that day. A son should never be forced to throw his father out to potentially save his mother's life. Of course you had to do this when you were a teenager too though didn't you. I guess being an asshole runs in our family. the difference is I choose not to be. You could have made this choice too but decided being an abusive, adulterous, letch would be more fun. Several years after I threw you out that day I tried to bury the hatchet and be civil with you so I could have a father figure in my life. You ended up shitting on that too. I left the ball in your court as far as getting it together and calling me when you decided to act like a normal human being. I never heard from you again. When I got the news that you had died it left me emotionless. I thought I'd be happy the day I got that news. I even found myself looking forward to it on more than one occasion. But I was neither happy nor sad at your passing. You've been dead now for almost 7 months and still there has been now flood of emotions that came out of nowhere to surprise me. You are simply gone and the world is better off to be rid of you. I wish things had been different between us but that is not my fault, its yours.

     Your Son,
          Cecil Jr.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Scotch Eggs

Scotch Eggs

1 pound of ground beef
1 pound of mild pork sausage
11 eggs
1 sleeve of saltine crackers
1 cup of bread crumbs
Seasonings (I use: sea salt, garlic powder, black pepper, parsley flakes, & oregano)

+ Hard boil 8 of the eggs. (Put six eggs in a medium pan. Cover the eggs with water. Put on High heat on the stove until the water reaches a rapid boil. Turn down to medium heat for 10 minutes. Remove from stove and drain the eggs in the sink washing them with cold water.)

+While the eggs are boiling. In a large mixing bowl combine the ground beef, pork sausage, 2 eggs, seasonings, and start with 1/2 of the sleeve of crackers. Mix thoroughly (I find by hand to be the most effective way.) until the mixture is firm but a bit mushy (just like a meatloaf mixture). If its too wet add more crackers (I find about 2/3 to 3/4 of the crackers does the trick). Get two small bowls. In one crack in the last egg and beat until its mixed very thoroughly. In the other pour the bread crumbs. These will be for dredging.

+ Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Place a baking rack on a cookie sheet and spray with with cooking spray.

+ Deshell the eggs carefully making sure all the fragments are off but leaving the eggs whole. In the meat mixture bowl score it into quarters.

+ Take half of one of the quarters out at a time and flatten into a patty in your hand. Take one of the eggs and place in the center of the patty and wrap the meat mixture around the egg. Form it closing the gaps and shape it so that it still has the shape of an egg (but larger naturally). Then roll the meat wrapped egg in the bowl with the beaten egg. Once its wet with egg all around move to the bread crumb bowl and roll thoroughly until there is no more liquid on the surface. Place the egg on the cooking sheet and repeat until all eggs are wrapped and coated. Leave room between the eggs so that none are touching each other.

+ Place cooking sheet into the oven and bake for 30 - 45 minutes. This will depend on your oven and how thick the eggs turned out, etc. Once they look nice and crunchy golden brown remove and let sit for 5 minutes before serving.

Two eggs per person plus a side dish or two makes a nice filling meal. So this recipe feeds 4.


I hope you enjoyed this recipe. If you cook this I'd love to hear what you thought. Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Weird is the new normal

Installment 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

   Dear "Weird Al" Yankovic,

         I am writing to you today to let you know how much your music means to me. I have been a fan of your music, videos, and humor in general since I was just a kid in school. When life gets me down and I need a little boost I listen to your tunes to help put a smile back on my face. I own all your albums, dvds of your videos, the dvd set of your short lived Saturday morning show, and of course a VHS copy of your hilarious movie UHF. I traveled from Memphis, TN to Hershey Pennsylvania to see you in concert one summer and you did not disappoint. After waiting in line for 3 hours to be sure I got a good seat I saw you arrive on your golf cart. You were your usual friendly smiling self and waved at the crowd before entering to warm up with the band. I do not know what I would do without your artistry in my life. Thank you so much for everything you do. I wish you years of continued success in everything you do. Best wishes to you and your family.
    Your huge fan,

Thursday, November 11, 2010

If sad can be good then how great is happy

    I enjoyed doing my list of "top 5 tear jerking moments from movies I love" so I decided it needed a counterpart. Every Yin needs a Yang. "Without evil there can be no good so it must be good to be evil sometimes." as Satan says in 'South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut'. So this will be my list of the top 5 happiest moments from films I love. These are not only films that inspire laughter but always make me feel better while watching them. Comfort food for the eyes, ears, & soul so to speak. ***WARNING: Potential spoiler alert. Some of these clips show the ends or important plot points of said movies. You have been warned!***

#5 Office Space 

    Office Space - Printer Smash

    I wanted the actual scene but licensing restrictions make that impossible. However it proves how much of a part of pop culture this scene is when Family Guy picks up on it. This whole movie is relatable which equals funny. From Lumbergh's incessant droning, to Milton's repressed psychotic behavior everyone has worked with people like these. The whole movie leaves you feeling happier than you came in. For me the funniest and most memorable scene from this feature is of course the Printer Smash. Don't we all want to mix violence and technology every now and then?

#4 Little Shop of Horrors

   Little Shop of Horrors - The Dentist Song

    I have literally worn out one VHS tape (this is what movies used to be recorded on for you youngsters) and two audio cassettes (again an outdated format that only serves to show my age) watching and listening to this movie. It never fails to make me smile. For me the pinnacle of happiness here is Steve Martin's song as the Dentist, Dr. Orin Scrivello, DDS. I sing along and when particularly wrapped up in character look for a friend to punch when he decks the nurse.

#3 Rat Race

   Rat Race - Jeep Climbs the Radar Tower

    This whole movie literally has me rolling on the floor when I watch it. If this list were for the funniest movies instead of just happy moments it would be number one hands down. While there are plenty of well thought out and choreographed scenes this one, for me, is the best. Perhaps its because you can't understand Blaine, Vince Vieluf. Or maybe its because Seth Green is such a pro at this type of character. Put them together in this scene and its comedy gold. Its like watching an old Looney Tunes cartoon. You know the general idea of what is about to happen but watching it unfold never gets old.

#2 Princess Bride

   The Princess Bride - Castle Onslaught Planning

    This movie is another of my favorites. Its the kind of movie you put in when you're home from work sick and feeling icky because you know it will make you feel better. For me this scene is the most brilliant in the film. I think this is mainly because Wesley is so matter of factly planning everything despite the fact he can't even move. That takes confidence not to mention a huge set of cahones.

#1 Monty Python & the Holy Grail

   Monty Python & the Holy Grail - Witch Trial

   This movie is a campy, hilarious romp through the tail of King Arthur. It is one of my favorite films and a must see for all geeks, nerds, gamers, & fans of all things funny. While the whole movie is wall to wall humor which leaves you feeling so warm and fuzzy inside its like you just got a hot tea enema while drinking a cappuccino in a hot cocoa  hot tub, this scene in particular is GENIUS. I defy you to watch this clip and not laugh at least once.

   Well that completes my list of movie clip happiness. I hope you are feeling happier than before you started reading this. Feel free to leave any comments about my choices or listing your own. Take care and have an awesome day!

Compliments and the lack thereof

Installment 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

   There are lots of things that constitute a compliment. People don't have to come out and blatantly fall all over you to be complimenting you. A smile and warm look directly after an action can be as big a compliment if not big than someone saying " Hey I'd like to compliment you on that blah blah  blah.". With that in mind I think the thing I get complimented on the most is my sense of humor. I have always enjoyed making people smile and laugh. Not only does it make you happy in return its a useful skill to have. I have diffused many an awkward or potentially violent situation with a positive attitude and a few well timed jokes. I'm not saying every time I open my mouth comedy gold falls out but I'd say I'm above average in the humor department.

Installment 12 → Something you never get compliments on. 

   I never seem to get compliments on my fashion choices. My style is my own and unique. While its not cutting edge I do not follow the trends neither do I try to set them. I simply wear the clothes I feel comfortable in and think look good on me. Whether other people like my choices or not it doesn't concern me. I do not dress to impress others. I have learned over the years that the only person you need to strive for is yourself. You are always your own worst critic. If you can make yourself happy then you are doing well.

   Well that's it for now. Thanks for giving this a read. I hope you stop by again sometime. Take care of yourselves and have an awesome day!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Chinese Hamburger

   I enjoy cooking, especially for my friends & family. I cook at least one or two family meals a week. I always try to alter recipes, mixes,, what have you to put my own spin on them and hopefully improve the taste. I often get remarks like, "Oh that sounds so good." or " How do you make that?" and the like. Therefore I have decided, since I have this spiffy new bloggy thing, that I will post the recipes for what I cook on here. So anytime I cook something I haven't posted the recipe for yet I will do my best to share it here. With that in mind here is the first recipe of what should be many to come.

Chinese Hamburger

2 pounds of Ground Beef
3 cups of Minute Rice
3 beef bouillon cubes
1 8 oz can of sliced water chestnuts
1 10.75 oz can of cream of mushroom soup
1 10.75 oz can of cream of celery soup

1 12oz bag of Chow Mein noodles (the short crunchy kind)
Soy Sauce
Seasonings (I use sea salt, garlic powder, black pepper, oregeno & parsley flakes)

+ Get your Minute Rice cooking. I like to use double the water the directions call for and 1 bouillon cube per cup of rice. Then you can pop your (microwave safe) bowl into the microwave for 12 minutes (pending on the power of your model). Drain in a colander and your done.

+ While the rice is in the microwave get your ground beef working. You just need to break it up thoroughly and  brown it. Season the beef to taste. I use the Seasonings mentioned above along with about 3 tablespoons of soy sauce. Make sure to drain the fat once its browned. I like to keep just a little of the fat but not much, maybe 2 or 3 tablespoons worth. No reason to measure just save a bit for extra flavor.

+ While the rice is draining put both cans of soup and the water chestnuts into a large pot (big enough to hold and mix everything) and warm over medium heat on the stove. I like to use the same glass pot I used for the rice to save on washing up later and so the pot is still nice and hot still from cooking the rice.

+ Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

+ Once the celery, mushroom sauce is warmed through take it off the heat. Mix in the rice and about 4 tablespoons of soy sauce (The soy sauce is always to taste. Some like it saltier. Some can't take as much salt. So do what you like.). Then dump in the ground beef and about 2/3rds of the chow mein noodles and mix  it all together.

+ Put the entire mixture into a 13 x 9 inch baking dish. I like to spray a little Pam Cooking spray first just to be sure nothing sticks. Make sure to smooth it all out as evenly as possible. Next dump the last of the chow mein noodles on top making sure then are evenly distributed across the top like a crust. Sprinkle a few dashes of soy sauce across the top (Just a bit to wet the noodles but not too much. You don't want to end up over seasoning the whole dish.)

+ Bake in the oven for 30 minutes. Since everything is cooked we aren't trying to do anything here but dry out a little of the moisture and reduce the flavors down.

+ Remove from the oven (Making sure to turn in off. Safety first!)  and serve. This recipe will feed 8 people easily as a stand alone meal. At 8 equal servings this recipe has about 685 calories per serving.


I hope you enjoyed this recipe. If you cook this I'd love to hear what you thought. Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day!

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Installment 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

   Honestly there is no one in my life either in person or digitally that fits this exercise. There did used to be someone that fit this description but that person left my life due to circumstances beyond my control. Sometimes even ignoring the problem gets action if its meant to be. I am a big believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. People come and go in our lives as they are meant to. Even if there is someone that annoys the crap out of you there could be a very valid reason for them being a part of your life. Now that doesn't mean you should just throw your hands up and never do anything when there are issues. What it does mean is when you get frustrated take a moment and think if its really as big a deal as you think it is before you take an action that could potentially make things worse. I know this doesn't stop bad thoughts about people from popping up but a little positive thinking goes a long way. To me the answer to the meaning of life is to try to treat others well and through doing this the positive energy you send out will come back to you in abundance. Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sometimes sad is good

   Well today's earlier list put me in a list kind of mood. Personally when I get all bummed out and depressed sometimes the only thing that seems to help is watching a sad movie or listening to a sad tune. Sometimes a good cry helps to heal. That may be an odd thing to hear a straight man admit but it is nevertheless true. With that in mind I decided to list my top 5 tear jerking moments from movies I love. So if you aren't ready to shed a tear or two you probably shouldn't watch these clips. ***WARNING: Potential spoiler alert. Some of these clips show the ends or important plot points of said movies. You have been warned!***

#5 Wall-E

Wall-E - Final Scene

   Yes an animated movie made it into my list. The relationship between Eva and Wall-E develops throughout the film. By the time you get to this scene you are totally emotionally invested. Eva does everything in her power to save the one she loves. Then after she achieves her goal he has no memory of her. It tore my heart out the first time I saw it. Even after their kiss and his memory returns you are left with an emotional turmoil inside. Happy that they made it through this trial together but sad that they had to go through it. It makes me tear up every time!

#4 Forrest Gump

Forrest Gump - Mrs Gump Dying Speech

   There are many sad moments in this film but for me this moment is the most emotional. The one person in the world that loved Forrest unconditionally and would do anything for him is taken away. You have to be made of stone not to react to that!

#3 Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Lord of the Rings:The Return Of The King - Coronation

   This scene never fails to bring the waterworks. Not only are we wrapping up the epic adventure and seeing our heroes all cleaned up and safe and sound but then they go hardcore. Aragorn gets his queen. Arwen gives up her eternal life as an elf, her culture, her people, and her family to be with the man she loves. If that wasn't enough to reduce you to tears the walk through the crowd and come upon the four Hobbits. Aragorn delivers his memorable line "My friends, You bow to no one!" everyone bows before them giving them the recognition they so dearly deserve. I have yet to make it through this scene with tears rolling down my cheek.

#2 Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the RIng - Sam's Promise

   Knowing everything they have been through so far. Knowing how difficult the looming journey before them is. Sam would rather die trying to reach Frodo to accompany him than to stand by and watch him leave alone. Is there a better definition of a true friend than that? Don't we all wish for and treasure that kind of relationship? Put all that together with the fact that we have just lost two major characters (for the moment at least) and Sam's words bring that reality back into focus, then how is there a dry eye left in the house?

#1 Braveheart

Braveheart - Final Scene

   This movie was my favorite until it was recently dethroned by Avatar. I have always felt a deep connection with the character of William Wallace as well as the plight of the Scottish people portrayed in this film. We have just seen the brutal torture of William Wallace and his refusal to betray his ideals then we cut to this scene. Robert the Bruce, in an effort to finally do the right thing as well as to avenge the death of the man that inspired him to be a better man for himself and his country, decides to forgo the deal brokered by his father and take his crown by force. When Hamish steps forward and tosses William's sword onto the battlefield and it sticks burying itself into the ground a lightning bolt shoots through my spine every time. Then as William Wallace's words voice over the very end it tears through my very soul. I do not even have to see this scene anymore simply hearing the speech at the very end will send my into tears.

   I wanted to embed these clips for easier viewing but their were issues with that. I wanted to be consistent with the way the clips were presented so I opted to provided links instead. I think this list only further cements my self proclaimed Geek status. Thanks for stopping by and giving this a read. Feel free to leave any comments about my choices or listing your own. Take care and have an awesome day!

My "List"

   The "List" I am referring to is the list of the top 5 celebrities you would want to have sex with. Ideally this list takes precedence over any relationship you may be in. They did an episode on this on "Friends" and several other shows have mentioned it. My friend @CLeighS1983 author of Organized Chaos! did a posting on this subject today so I am once again taking a queue from her. So with that in mind here is My "List"

#5 Hitomi Tanaka 

She is a Japanese model turned porn star. She is exotic, gorgeous, and amply endowed. I'd like to say I admire her for her brains or her charming personality but the truth is I know nothing about her. Her place on my list is purely based on her looks and the clips I have seen her in. Hey what do you want from me? I'm a guy and I know what I like!

 #4 Jeri Ryan

Yes "7of 9" from Star Trek Voyager. Those that know me am already aware I am a Geek at heart. So her appearance in this list shouldn't be such a huge surprise. Here again I don't know much about her as a person. But I enjoyed her worked on the series and she has the hotness!

#3 Catherine Tate

Again my Geek side shows through. She is Donna from the revived BBC series Dr. Who. Her gorgeous red hair, warm smile, and creamy complexion pull me in. Her hilarious comedy keep me around and make me a die hard fan. I would love to hang out with her for hours talking and laughing over drinks.

#2 Catherine Zeta Jones

Ever since I saw her in "The Mask of Zorro" I have been hooked. Seeing her in the T-Mobile commercials later on just sealed the deal. She has a timeless beauty reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn. She is classy, elegant, and somehow dirty at the same time. Oh the things I could do to her!

And finally Number one. Those who know me say it with me...

#1 Alyssa Milano

What can I say? Beauty, elegance, personality, acting ability, concern for her fellow man through her various charity work. This woman has the whole package. I developed a crush on her back in her "Who's The Boss" days. She was very close to my age and I identified with her. I have been hopelessly hooked ever since. I could die a happy man just to meet her in person once and see her smile at me in person.

   Well that's my list. Notice anything in common between the five? That's right not a blonde among them. I do my best not to judge on appearances but the bleached blonde air headed barbie doll does NOTHING for me. Brains and personality are so much more important. After all outward beauty can fade but stupid is FOREVER!

Now with my "List" out of the way on to new business.

Installment 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

   This one would have to go to my best friend from high school. We were thick as thieves back in the day and stayed friends after graduation and brief stints in college for both of us. I had a job doing Tech Support with Gateway and helped teach him what I knew so he could get a job there as well. We both need to get out of our present living situations so we decided to get an apartment together. I carefully chose a place that we could afford even if one of us lost his job to try to prevent any problems in that area before they arose. That way one of us could cover the other until they found a new job. This way there would be no hard feelings not to mention we wouldn't get tossed out on our ass. I always try to plan ahead for things like this but I didn't really think it would be an issue. Well true to the luck that seems to befall me after just one month on our new place I lost my job. This was after my car engine sized up because I forgot to change the oil. Yes I know, I'm an idiot, on with the rest of the story. With no car and limited prospects finding a new job proved difficult. When I did finally get a new car & job it was as a temp and due to circumstances beyond my control I lost that job within a month. This left my friend to pay our bills by himself and as the months went by things got worse between us. After months of this we had a serious discussion about the matter. He asked me one day how long I would put up with this if the roles were reversed. I did not want to influence his decisions by telling him I wouldn't have cared I told him I didn't know. When pressed I told him I guess three months or so. I was trying to empathize with him and let him know I knew how frustrated he was with things. This answer upset him as it had been longer than that already and I feel the nail in the coffin for us as room mates. Our lease was up the next month, yes it had been 10 months at this point with me out of work, so he decided we should just go our separate ways. I did not blame him for this decision at all and in fact agreed it would be best. We intended to remain in touch and stay friends. He said the monetary issues didn't bother him and wouldn't spoil our friendship. But as time passed guilt got the better of me. I felt I couldn't even talk to him anymore until I repaid him. Because of this I didn't respond to an email from him one day and that was the last time we have spoken directly. I keep tabs on him through a mutual friend. He's married now and doing well and I couldn't be happier. My life has been in turmoil ever since, not because of this but because it seems to be my lot in life, so I still haven't been able to pay him back. He is however at the top of my list to repay when I am able. A day never passes that I don't think about him and mourn the loss of his presence in my life. I miss you Brian and I wish nothing but the best for you and Rebecca.

   As always I want to thank you for stopping by and giving my blog a read. Remember to let your friends and loved ones  know how much they mean to you, and often. You never know when the last time you will see them will be. Take care of yourselves and have an awesome day!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Three installments, no waiting.

Installment 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

   I have been fortunate in my life to have supportive friends and family. There have been many times that I have been down and out. Yet because of my network of support I have never been utterly alone. This makes me happy because the one thing I hope I never have to do is live on the streets. There are loads of people that have been discarded by society. They live on the streets, alone, forgotten, and unloved. What a sad state of affairs. It saddens my soul to see people like this. It also scares me deep inside because I know if it hadn't been for my friends and family it could easily have been me. The next time you see a homeless person on the street with a sign begging for some spare change, take a moment, dig deep and give of yourself. You could be saving a life and will certainly be brightening the day of someone that truly needs it.

Installment 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

   As I said in the last installment I have been blessed in my life with a network of supportive friends and family. There have been many people in my life that have made my life worth living for. As well as people that when they left my life made it feel like I couldn't go on. There is one person in my life right now though that has truly been there for me. They are my best friend and there is nothing we couldn't tell each other. There have been times in the past few years when I gave up all hope. On at least two occasions the only thing that has stopped me from attempting to end the pain was the fact that I knew that this person would be hurt. I would do anything for them without hesitation. In this life your family is there for you, that's usually a given. You can't chose your family though but you CAN chose your friends. This, in a way, makes that relationship even more special. Friends come and go in your life and that's a normal part of living but your true friends are always there for you. You don't get many of these maybe limited to one or two in life. I am certainly grateful to have mine. Melody you make my life worth living for.

Installment 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

   This one has to go to my second wife. I'm not saying we didn't have our share of problems, or that some of them weren't my fault. However as a couple you are supposed to talk through your problems, find a solution or at least a compromise, and try to make things work. It takes two people to make a relationship work though. When one shuts down and refuses to even let the other know what the problem is then what can you do? This happened to us. She was "unhappy" and would start fights with me constantly. When I would try to talk to her and find out what was wrong so we or I could try to fix the issues all I would get was; "I am unhappy. You should be able to tell what is making me unhappy on your own. If you can't tell then the problem is even worse than I thought it was. If YOU don't fix it then there is no hope for us." After a good year or so of this I had finally reached my breaking point and had to get out. You can only take so much of walking into a room saying "Good morning honey!" with a smile and then getting screamed at like you were Hitler's son tracking mud across a thick white shag carpet. Well after I moved out she finally confessed that she had met someone else nine months before I had moved out. She had broken off our marriage after she had met him but we remained roommates and friends during the worst of the screaming and yelling phase. She told me she had wanted me to move out but didn't want to come out and tell me. This was why she had been yelling and screaming at me daily. So rather than being an adult, talking things out and asking me to leave she made me feel like complete and utter shit for the better part of a year, how thoughtful. I am not saying I don't deserve my share of the blame for what led up to it but you could have handled the situation much better. So many times in relationships people aren't willing to talk to each other and give the extra effort to make things work. I was and you still ignored me. That was really a shitty thing to do Kelley.

OK that's enough for now I think. Thanks so much for stopping by and seeing what my mind has to offer today. I hope your day is full of happiness with a side of awesome!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Hope, Dreams, and other Fairy Tales

Installment 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
   There are a great many things I hope to do before my number inevitably comes up. How many of these will actually happen is of course a mystery as the future is not known to those of us without super powers or houses under power lines. I will list them here though in no particular order.

+ Travel outside of the USA. Especially England, Scotland, Japan, & Egypt.

+ Find the woman I am meant to spend my life with, get married, and have a family.

+ Become a trained chef instead of just a home cook.

+ Own my own business. Perhaps a diner, a gaming store, or a combination of both.

+ Meet Weird Al in person.

+ Meet Alyssa Milano in person.

+ Become independently wealthy.

+ Be happy.

Well that's the major bullet points at least. So I am off to find other things to amuse myself with for now. Catch ya later and have an awesome day!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

My Happy Place

We all have a place we go to in our minds when we need to find solace. If you don't then you really should it can do wonders. A place you can image yourself retreating to in secret. Some place where no harm can come to you. A place where everything seems right with the world. That place for me is a swing hanging from the branch of a big tree in a backyard in Georgia. When I was two years old we moved to Marietta, Georgia. There are flashes of memories in my mind before this event but this is when the acknowledgment of my existence truly started. We had a big beautiful yard in the front and back of the house. There were lots of trees and bushes as well as plenty of room for a child to run and play. The backyard was fenced in and had a large hill across the whole of the back of the property. It lead slowly from the back porch up to the top of the ridge where it leveled off for about 20 yards before the back fence. At the top of this hill  in the center was a large maple tree. My dad hung a swing from a nice sturdy branch on this tree for me. The branch was at just the right angle so that the seat of the swing sat parallel with the property line and thus the house and hill the tree sat on. I loved that swing. Over time the ground underneath it wore down so that the top of a large root was visible but not completely uncovered. This could be used as a step to really get some good speed going quickly or as a brake if you were careful. When I sat in my swing all was right with the world. We were a happy family. My parents were not only still together but it was before they began to fight like cats and dogs. It was before all the beatings, of my mother as well as myself. It was while he still gave a damn about us. It was before I learned how harsh life could be. I still had the innocence of a child which is a very under appreciated commodity these days. Whenever I need some cheering up, whenever I feel afraid, confused, or distraught, I think back to my swing. My little piece of perfect in an imperfect world. A little rope swing with a two by four seat, hung from a maple tree on a hill, in a backyard in Georgia. My happy place!

A Good Idea

My new friend Casey Leigh ( @CLeighS1983 author of  Organized Chaos! ) has helped inspire me to begin this blog. She is presently doing a 30 day piece called "30 Days of Truth-- A Blogger's Challenge". I thought this would be a wonderful way for people who chose to follow my blog to get to know a bit more about me. However like most things I do I want to do it my way. Therefore instead of 30 Days of Truth it shall be called 30 Installments of Truth. These installments, like the rest of my life, will come at random times and places. They may be posts on their own or parts of other posts. I will try to get through all 30 as soon as I can though as that is sort of the point of doing it in the first place. With that being said, wait for it...

Installment 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
   OK this one is easy! My weight. I have been a fat person for a long as I remember being a part of the human race. It has fluctuated greatly but has always been more than the norm. If a eat like a bird and exercise like an Olympic athlete I can temporarily show a reduction in my physical mass. As soon as I slack off in my resolve however the weight comes back like a boomerang, more often than not with friends it made while it was away. This leads to all the normal things: depression, isolation, loneliness, etc, etc. Which in turn leads to more weight gain when these feelings get the better of me. Presently I have renewed my resolve and have struck out on a weight loss path that for the moment seems to be working. I am counting calories, watching what I eat, moving around more often throughout the day, and exercising (when my knee will allow it). I am seeing results and as this time I have begun a new way of thinking, not just a diet plan, I am hopeful that the progress will continue to come.

Installment 02 → Something you love about yourself.

   This one is a bit harder. Its hard to love anything about yourself when at your core you hate yourself for what you are. Over the years it has become increasingly harder to see past the man starring at me in the mirror into my soul, into who I am inside. Once I get there however I do love myself. The thing I love most is my intelligence. It allows me to see things more clearly, more rationally. I am not saying I think I am the smartest person in the world, far from it. What I am saying is stupidity makes me weep. Being able to make informed decisions for yourself allows you to not have to follow the herd. Turkeys, it is said, are so stupid they will drown in the rain while starring up at it trying to figure out what it is. I think we have all known people like this in our lives, and I for one shudder at the thought of people this clueless. It is people like this that cause things like all Peanut Butter having a warning on it stating **This product contains peanuts!**. I thank the Goddess above that I have the intelligence to see things as they are and not have to wander through life being told what to think.

Installment 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

   I have pondered this one for some time and have come to a conclusion. I need to forgive myself for giving up on myself. I have been through two painful "marriages"... (Wiccan handfastings, not legal marriages but the same in every other sense. Just at the end of a handfasting you act like mature adults divide any joint belongings and go your separate ways. No lawyers getting rich off of you and making things worse, and things of that nature.) well the marriages weren't so much the painful part, as the end of them were. Anyway these events made me doubt myself in pretty much every way possible. I had not fully recovered from the first when the second began. At first this helped but when the end came it only served to reinforce the doubts and crushed spirit from the first. There is only so much a man can take before he reaches his breaking point. When I reached mine I withdrew into myself and stopped caring about everything. This led to increased weight issues, and fitness issues which helped to throw what was left of my life into a downward spiral. I am only recently realizing everything that helped lead me to where I am. I am now clawing my way out of the dark pit I found myself in and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not there yet but I make progress towards my goal everyday. I forgive myself for this and make the following vows... I will rejoin the world. I will have my life back. I will finally have the relationship, family, and existence I deserve.

Installment 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

   There is one big piece of baggage I have clung to since I got it thrown at me. I have to forgive my first wife for walking out on me. We had a very... odd, relationship. After some years had passed we realized that we didn't work as a couple but we ended the marriage as friends. More than friends really, we were like best friends with benefits. We continued to be roommates which was hard at times but we made it work. We were always there for each other no matter what happened. We had an understanding between us that this would be the way things were between us for the rest of our lives. Then one day she met a man from online through a mutual friend. After knowing him for a week announced that at the end of the month she would be marrying him and moving to Canada. She would naturally be selling her home as well (which I had helped maintain, upgrade, and be financial responsible for during our seven year relationship) so she was kicking me out to boot. I was just expected to fully understand her decision, support it, and move on without a second thought. This wounded me to my very core. To this day the wounds are so deep that sometimes I can't get past the pain. I have realized though that this is the bulk of the catalyst that got me to where I am desperately trying to get back from now. To truly get past it and be able to move on I have to forgive and forget and stop hanging on to the past. So I forgive you Deanna. I wish you no ill and hope that your life has been and will continue to be happy, long and prosperous.

Well I think that is quite enough for one posting. If things got a bit heavy in there I'm sorry but hopefully you understand a bit better where I am coming from now. It is my hope to be humorous and entertaining throughout this blogging process but at times we'll get real too. Thanks for reading and have an awesome day!

Breaking through

Greetings friends, neighbors, and total strangers. I decided to finally start a blog so I can record my stray thoughts & ideas. This way I can save them before they atrophy and die or escape into the ether. The frequency of my posts here will be wildly unscheduled. So don't go expecting to see something new everyday or you will be woefully disappointed. As for the content of said posts only time will tell. The only thing I can say for sure is that I am positive that this blog will be unsafe for squeamish and or young eyes. I refuse to censor myself in any way (unless its funnier to do so) and furthermore refuse to apologize for said behavior. So with that out of the way let us move forward and see what this new path may bring. Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day!