Saturday, November 6, 2010

A Good Idea

My new friend Casey Leigh ( @CLeighS1983 author of  Organized Chaos! ) has helped inspire me to begin this blog. She is presently doing a 30 day piece called "30 Days of Truth-- A Blogger's Challenge". I thought this would be a wonderful way for people who chose to follow my blog to get to know a bit more about me. However like most things I do I want to do it my way. Therefore instead of 30 Days of Truth it shall be called 30 Installments of Truth. These installments, like the rest of my life, will come at random times and places. They may be posts on their own or parts of other posts. I will try to get through all 30 as soon as I can though as that is sort of the point of doing it in the first place. With that being said, wait for it...

Installment 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
   OK this one is easy! My weight. I have been a fat person for a long as I remember being a part of the human race. It has fluctuated greatly but has always been more than the norm. If a eat like a bird and exercise like an Olympic athlete I can temporarily show a reduction in my physical mass. As soon as I slack off in my resolve however the weight comes back like a boomerang, more often than not with friends it made while it was away. This leads to all the normal things: depression, isolation, loneliness, etc, etc. Which in turn leads to more weight gain when these feelings get the better of me. Presently I have renewed my resolve and have struck out on a weight loss path that for the moment seems to be working. I am counting calories, watching what I eat, moving around more often throughout the day, and exercising (when my knee will allow it). I am seeing results and as this time I have begun a new way of thinking, not just a diet plan, I am hopeful that the progress will continue to come.

Installment 02 → Something you love about yourself.

   This one is a bit harder. Its hard to love anything about yourself when at your core you hate yourself for what you are. Over the years it has become increasingly harder to see past the man starring at me in the mirror into my soul, into who I am inside. Once I get there however I do love myself. The thing I love most is my intelligence. It allows me to see things more clearly, more rationally. I am not saying I think I am the smartest person in the world, far from it. What I am saying is stupidity makes me weep. Being able to make informed decisions for yourself allows you to not have to follow the herd. Turkeys, it is said, are so stupid they will drown in the rain while starring up at it trying to figure out what it is. I think we have all known people like this in our lives, and I for one shudder at the thought of people this clueless. It is people like this that cause things like all Peanut Butter having a warning on it stating **This product contains peanuts!**. I thank the Goddess above that I have the intelligence to see things as they are and not have to wander through life being told what to think.

Installment 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

   I have pondered this one for some time and have come to a conclusion. I need to forgive myself for giving up on myself. I have been through two painful "marriages"... (Wiccan handfastings, not legal marriages but the same in every other sense. Just at the end of a handfasting you act like mature adults divide any joint belongings and go your separate ways. No lawyers getting rich off of you and making things worse, and things of that nature.) well the marriages weren't so much the painful part, as the end of them were. Anyway these events made me doubt myself in pretty much every way possible. I had not fully recovered from the first when the second began. At first this helped but when the end came it only served to reinforce the doubts and crushed spirit from the first. There is only so much a man can take before he reaches his breaking point. When I reached mine I withdrew into myself and stopped caring about everything. This led to increased weight issues, and fitness issues which helped to throw what was left of my life into a downward spiral. I am only recently realizing everything that helped lead me to where I am. I am now clawing my way out of the dark pit I found myself in and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not there yet but I make progress towards my goal everyday. I forgive myself for this and make the following vows... I will rejoin the world. I will have my life back. I will finally have the relationship, family, and existence I deserve.

Installment 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

   There is one big piece of baggage I have clung to since I got it thrown at me. I have to forgive my first wife for walking out on me. We had a very... odd, relationship. After some years had passed we realized that we didn't work as a couple but we ended the marriage as friends. More than friends really, we were like best friends with benefits. We continued to be roommates which was hard at times but we made it work. We were always there for each other no matter what happened. We had an understanding between us that this would be the way things were between us for the rest of our lives. Then one day she met a man from online through a mutual friend. After knowing him for a week announced that at the end of the month she would be marrying him and moving to Canada. She would naturally be selling her home as well (which I had helped maintain, upgrade, and be financial responsible for during our seven year relationship) so she was kicking me out to boot. I was just expected to fully understand her decision, support it, and move on without a second thought. This wounded me to my very core. To this day the wounds are so deep that sometimes I can't get past the pain. I have realized though that this is the bulk of the catalyst that got me to where I am desperately trying to get back from now. To truly get past it and be able to move on I have to forgive and forget and stop hanging on to the past. So I forgive you Deanna. I wish you no ill and hope that your life has been and will continue to be happy, long and prosperous.

Well I think that is quite enough for one posting. If things got a bit heavy in there I'm sorry but hopefully you understand a bit better where I am coming from now. It is my hope to be humorous and entertaining throughout this blogging process but at times we'll get real too. Thanks for reading and have an awesome day!


  1. Aww... you are welcome for getting you inspired to start blogging. :-)

    I warn you... I have come across two other blog challenges, so expect more in the next couple months. And yes, I will share them with you if you are curious!!

  2. That would be great. This one in particular struck me as a great way to get started. It really reveals things about who you truly are as a person, and thus a great way for people to get to know the person behind the blog. I know I've enjoyed reading yours and getting to know what makes you tick a bit better.